The First Forty Days

I don’t remember where I heard about it first, but I came across a book called “The First Forty Days” at some point before I was pregnant and filed it away in the back of my mind in case the time ever came. When it did and I was putting together my baby registry, I remembered the book and put it on there, not really even knowing all that much about it.

Flash forward to week 39 of pregnancy when my maternity leave had officially started and I was in that strange limbo phase where you could have the baby at any moment but you’ve got all your preparations in place so you’re just awkwardly putzing around the house trying to keep busy. In between trying all the labor-inducing old wives tales I possibly could like taking long walks, accupressure, eating dates, and drinking red raspberry leaf tea, I picked up the book and ended up finishing it in two sittings. It was exactly what I needed to read.

The basic premise is that the first forty days postpartum are an essential time for the new mother’s recovery—both physically and mentally. In many cultures, there are traditions in place that have been passed down from generation to generation to support this sacred time in a woman’s life, but in modern American society, there are no real rituals for caring for the mother after childbirth. You might be lucky enough to have friends and family drop off food at your doorstep for the first few weeks and there’s a 6-week check-up with your OB-GYN but that’s about it.

The book emphasizes that the 40 days following birth should be devoted to rest, recovery, and bonding with your new baby. That’s it. Your work email should have an out-of-office response up, cooking and cleaning should be delegated to someone else in your household, you shouldn’t be playing hostess to an endless stream of visitors, trips outside the home should be few and far between, and “bouncing back” to anything at all (your pre-baby body, your pre-baby life) should not even be a thought in your mind. All energy (what little of it there is) should be focused on taking care of the baby and taking care of yourself—preferably with a lot of help from loved ones. A lot.

Essentially, new mothers should be treated like the queens that they are after giving birth.

Amen.

In the time leading up to Zane’s birth, I took this philosophy to heart and started getting preparations in place to honor my first 40 days as best I could. I began phasing myself out of work projects, delegating my tasks and responsibilities to those who would be taking over in my absence. I put my freelance projects on pause. I closed up the garden for the season. I did all the lingering personal admin tasks and things around the house that I could to alleviate future stresses. I cleaned. I organized and reorganized. I stocked the freezer and the pantry. I “prepared” as much as you can. Basically, I cleared my plate and set the expectation that I’d be taking things really easy at first.

When Baby Z finally arrived, my intention was to ease into motherhood, focusing solely on getting to know his needs while attempting to balance them with my own. As someone who is easily overwhelmed, I wanted to keep things as minimal as I could: Take care of me, take care of baby, take care of me, take care of baby…

And that’s what I did. That’s all I did…because that’s all there’s time for when you have a new baby.

During those very early days, we hardly saw anyone, didn’t go much of anywhere, and said no to anything that added unnecessary complication and stress. In addition to taking care of the baby, my only goals were to eat 3 meals a day, sleep when I could, shower, and take a short a walk outside. Everything else took a backseat—and I had mentally prepared for that to avoid feeling guilty for how unproductive of a time it is and how difficult it is to accomplish even the simplest tasks.

Between the preparations I was able to make, the mindset I went into motherhood with (the yogic principle of aparigraha: non-attachment, aka, “Go With the Flow,” has been key), the incredible support system I have around me, having a baby who is a good sleeper—let’s be honest, this is probably the #1 reason I feel as good as I do, and a little bit of astrological destiny (I’ve got Jupiter conjunct the sun in Sagittarius in the 5th house in my natal chart), I feel really fortunate that my first 40 days and my entire “4th Trimester” (as the 3 months postpartum is often called) ended up being a really beautiful time. Delicate, messy, tiring, and all-consuming, but beautiful nonetheless, and not nearly as terrifying as I was anticipating. And I am so grateful for that. So grateful.

I am grateful for my health—both physical and mental.
I am grateful for the baby’s health.
I am grateful for my husband—he has been beyond amazing and a true partner in all of this.
I am grateful for our family and friends who have showered us with more love and support than I ever could have imagined.
I am grateful for the means to be able to stay home with the baby for an extended period of time during this first year.
I am grateful for all of my many, many privileges.
I am grateful. I am grateful. I am grateful.

Zane just turned 3 months old and he’s such a delight. He smiles and plays, eats like a champ, practices new skills with fierce determination, and finally even started sleeping 7-8 hour stretches at night. He’s the best.

Thank you to everyone who has helped usher us into parenthood. Your gifts and check-ins and words of advice and support are all deeply appreciated. We love you.

💙

p.s. And to keep it real, I definitely didn’t do everything that was recommended in The First Forty Days. While I had the best of intentions, I did not manage to cook one single recipe from the book. I’m sure I would have felt amazing if I had eaten all of the nutritious, nourishing foods that it suggests…but there was a lot of pizza and baked goods in my first forty days and that’s ok. I give myself a lot of grace these days.

p.p.s. And also to keep it real, while we have a “good” baby, of course he cries and fusses like every baby does, and I’ve been peed on, pooped on, puked on, and have had days where I haven’t brushed my teeth or been able to take a shower or get dressed until well after noon—if at all. We have good days and bad days over here, just like everyone else.